he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
