Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
