based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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