Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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