I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
