better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize