i just wanna soil my oats bro
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
