If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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