He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
