dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
