Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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