We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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