PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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