I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
