That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize