just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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