My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
