Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
