i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The air was thick with penises
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
