my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
this is an emotional support booty call
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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