You made me cry and you don't even care
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
