I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
