I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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