GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
