I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
