I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
