So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
