Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
