Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
