The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize