I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
