on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
