I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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