i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
