I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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