Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
