My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
