Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my phone needs a breathalizer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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