I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
