If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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