You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize