this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
