I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
