she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
