all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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