Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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