i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize