There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
thus making me awesome and them whores
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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