you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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