dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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