Soap is not a condiment
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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