the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
