girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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