it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just gift wrapped bread.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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