we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
