Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
