Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
