The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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