even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
