I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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