Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
