This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
