i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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