if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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