i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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