I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
