I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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