i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
