I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
