He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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