Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
