He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
