ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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