I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
