I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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