Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize