Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
