OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
