I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
