i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
