There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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