Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
