dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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