Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
