she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
