he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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