She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
