wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
