Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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