thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
