yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
