I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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