Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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