Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
