He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
