I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
