I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
