I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
