I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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