is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
