I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
