do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
